Saturday, October 10, 2009

Back in Action

Well I am back after a prolonged "vacation" that I took to hide from a few real life problems. I also gained new inspiration for a new movie idea, but that comes later. I left due to information on some members of the shape-shifting dino/bird race wanting my head. I normally find this to be rumors or trickery, but my strong mob ties (I once saved "The Don"'s prized bear statue from a rival family. They really stepped up on that one.) told me that I must hide. So hide I did!

Long story short is that the South Pole is equal parts "no Santa" and "really fucking cold". A few weeks in a cabin gave my life much insight. My heart was slowly freezing and my food rations low...I finally found the ones that had chased me and wanted my head. I can say now that they were raptors...of that does make the information given to me correct, but I think I freaked out a bit more then needed.

When some Bambiraptor come to your hidden southern base/frozen death really can't help but laugh. I just walked past them as they yelled profanities and unkind words about my mother and her various acts the night before. As scary as my regular friends to be quite honest. (Alex: "Hey, you want the rest of these ribs?" BL: "Ha! Your mother likes it that way!" Alex: "Uhh, ok. So you want them?" BL: "Yeh! Just like your mom, hahahaha!" Alex: "That doesn't even make sence!" BL: "Just like your mom! HAHAHA" Well you get the idea. Banters like this tend to last a few hours before one of us gets bored.)

Anyway, I am back and have many things to share. I have decided many things and one such thing is a new movie idea. If any movie executives (I know you are there....) are reading this then feast your eyes on this perplexing idea that will rock the summer horror slots to the near brink of human comprehension and enjoyment:


As the camera pans in we see two nuns standing around the fireplace. Nun #1 (Angelina Jolie) throws more wood into the fire while Nun #3 (Halley Berry) reads from a bible. Nun #2 comes in from the doorway on the right and sits down in one of the large black velvet chairs that surround the fireplace. I suppose these are made of seals.

Nun #2

The fireplace is warm and we are secure for the night. Now all we have to do is wait till daybreak to get back on track to teach those southern folk all about the glory of god!

Nun #1

I can't wait to see their smiles!

Nun #3 then strips down to her underwear to do some near-fireplace-yoga. This will probably be shot with a close-up lens and moody music placed in. Maybe she starts to remember he life before she became a nun and the strip clubs she danced in. This part will generate most our revenue.

Nun #1

Oh you! Always with the yoga. Hey girls, have you heard of that old legend the locals always go on about?

Nun #2

Oh my lord! You mean the one about the polar bears that wear shades and carry assault weapons to take people in the night?

Nun #3

Oh that is just silly superstition!

Right after that line, the camera jumps to outside where a dozen black figures are seen moving around the cabin. A shadow is seen with an assault rifle being raised into the air. Mumbles and gun-cocking can be heard.

Nun #1

Did you hear that girls?!

Nun #3

Oh you are just being paranoid! God have me if there is something out there!

Gunfire is heard followed by screaming. I figure at this point there is a close-up of a bear who smirks and then puts on some shades. The rest of the scene plays out by improv.

Well ok, I haven't worked out most of it. But that's a start! I expect a cash payment from the highest bidder and I get to play the part of the lost Eskimo who stumbles upon the polar bear secret.


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